What lies beyond 'good'

Recently I gave a business presentation as part of a job interview process. I really worked hard on it. The amount of research and thought that went into it was enormous. It's one of those few times when I could say that I really tried my best. Well. I could've done more, but I guess what I'm trying to say is it's not often I put my all into something that's not related to my passion.

One of the most useful skills that God gave me when I was born is the ability to grasp or understand something quickly. Which was why in school, I never needed tuition like a lot of other Malaysian students. In fact it was counter-productive for me. The fact that I had good teachers also helped a lot. Whenever they explained something, I would get it almost immediately. All I needed to do was to complete my homework to reinforce my memory.

I guess, being aware of this ability from a young age, I became lazy. I never had to try very hard to get good academic results. Even in university when things get more serious, I only put it a little more effort. The first time I would open a textbook is right before an exam (which means the night before). I'd memorise several keywords and expand them into an essay. I graduated with upper second-class honours, which is just a class below first class. Pretty good I say, given the amount of effort I put in.

But this business presentation really changed me. Before my brother helped me, it was already pretty good. But at the end of it all, I realised that what lies beyond 'good' is so much more satisfying. It wasn't just the powerpoint slides, it was the words I used to present it, the tone of my voice, my mood, the way I tell a story - the combination of it all - it was excellent.

I was always a good student. But excellence was something I rarely strived for. Of course anyone would prefer to be labelled as 'excellent' in anything, but I knew it was something that didn't come easy. Especially without effort.

When I told my brother how I thought the presentation went really, really well, he said, "You feel good, don't you?"

Then he said, "But it was a lot of hard work, wasn't it?"

I worked hard. I was tired. When it was pretty much done, I worked on it some more. I knew I wanted the presentation to be good, but I didn't expect myself to put that much effort in the first place.

But because of all that, it made the whole experience so much more satisfying. When I walked out of the presentation room, I felt the need to celebrate. The reaction from my interviewers were good, but what was strange was, I didn't care if they thought it was a total flop. I really did work hard on it, and it was over and all I wanted to do was to celebrate. Get myself something nice to congratulate myself on a job well done.

Usually I depend on other people's feedback to feel good, but not this time.

Now I feel like I understand myself and other things a bit more. I love Japanese culture. I love animes and mangas. I love them because the main characters all have one thing in common. They always give it their all. It doesn't matter what their personalities are. Some are slow, some are smart, some are evil, some good, some crazy, some boring, but when they do something it's always with all the spirit they could muster. No wonder the word 'ganbatte/ganbare yo' (and all the variances) come up so often. They are always encouraging one another or telling other people that they are going to try their best.

And in the stories, after completing something no matter how small, they'd make a big deal out of it and celebrate. Like, if a character finished decorating a Christmas tree, she would buy herself her favourite food.

I never really identified with that before. In the past, even after I've done some studying, I didn't feel like rewarding myself. Probably because deep inside I knew that I didn't really try that hard and so I didn't really deserve anything.

But if I were to follow the characters I admire so much, if I were to be this way, then I think life would be so much more richer. Everything is a cause for celebration. How wonderful is that?

Right now I am in the middle of celebrating. I am rewarding myself with a nice drink from Starbucks, watching the rain from this comfortable sofa, writing this.

So. What lies beyond 'good'?

It is self-improvement. Satisfaction. Self-appreciation. Celebration. It is excellence.

Whatever I do from now on, I will make a point to put my all, even if putting just a bit is enough.